#so sorry for the ramble I’m a nervous wreck

[kirk-says-wah]

my aim is to get the next chapter posted tonight, mostly because my dog goes in for an operation tomorrow and I’m just gonna be spending the day sobbing 😂

[eds6ngel]

being eddie’s girlfriend would include...

༊*·˚ you thought he would be his same eccentric self on the first date, but boy were you wrong.

༊*·˚ bro was a nervous wreck.

༊*·˚ was shook to his core when you said that you enjoyed the date and wanted to go on another.

༊*·˚ i imagine he is very clingy.

༊*·˚ and extremely touch-starved.

༊*·˚ always has a hand on your waist, thigh, holding your hand, anything for that physical touch.

༊*·˚ rambles about special interest bf x doesn’t understand but listens anyway gf.

༊*·˚ would never admit it, but lets you braid his hair.

༊*·˚ probably rambled about how you were the one after your first date to wayne.

༊*·˚ which led to you meeting wayne after the second date.

༊*·˚ he was kissing the ground when he saw the two of you get along.

༊*·˚ eddie got very comfortable very quickly as the relationship progressed.

༊*·˚ not that you minded, of course.

༊*·˚ but, he was just a tad annoying at times…

༊*·˚ just habits he knew would drive you up the wall, but couldn’t resist to do anyway.

༊*·˚ would smack your ass any time you lean over.

༊*·˚ would always have the same cheeky grin every time he did it too.

༊*·˚ speaking of asses… he would 100% use your ass as a drum.

༊*·˚ and your head…

༊*·˚ or any body part for that matter — “sorry babe, i just have this rhythm in my head. gotta see if it sounds good before i write it down.”

༊*·˚ the annoying, disgusting pda couple.

༊*·˚ bros making out with you against the school lockers, i’m sorry :’)

༊*·˚ he just likes to make his love to you well known, as he dies when you do anything remotely similar.

༊*·˚ and when homecoming season came around… boy, oh boy.

༊*·˚ you told him that jason asked chrissy to homecoming in the middle of a basketball game, so eddie took that as a personal challenge.

༊*·˚ asked you to homecoming in the middle of the cafeteria, standing on the table and shit.

༊*·˚ got robin and her band friends to even play your favourite song.

༊*·˚ bro definitely spoke in shakespearean — “wouldst thou doth me the greatest honour and joineth me, the eddie munson, at the danceth?”

༊*·˚ and of course you said yes, because you love your nerdy ass boyfriend a lot.

…i might do eddie and his gf at homecoming headcanons next.

[insomniasdelusion]

HIII can I request a glisten x reader where glisten has a huge crush on reader but reader is clueless about obvious hints he gives but glisten refuses to give up?? Thought it would be cute

Thought I would go ahead and get to this request!! Sorry you’ve been just sitting in my inbox. QvQ

Glisten x Clueless reader

Warning: none! ^^

—————————————————

“Darling~!”

Glisten calls out to you, the bow on his back bouncing as he saunters up.

“Are you free later? I have this wonderful new set of makeup and I think it would look positively divine on you!”

He winks, grabbing your hand and placing a small kiss on it. His nails a pretty pink, curtesy to Toodles.

“Hiya glisten, and sure? I don’t really know much about makeup though..”

You replied sheepish, using your other hand to rub the ack of your neck smiling at the drag queen.

“Oh no worries at all dear, I can teach you!”

He chirped back, moving to stand beside you and tilting his head.

“What’re you doing anyway?”

Glisten questioned, looking at the pre-heated oven, chocolate chips, and a few other baking supplies.

“Oh! I’m making cookies for Cosmo and Sprout as a thank you for the lemon squares last week”

You grin moving back over to the medium sized bowl with a previously abandoned whisk, going back to pouring a few of the small chocolates into the bowl and stirring it easily.

“Ooo~”

He purred out, looking over your shoulder.

“Welll could any of those sweet treats be for moi~?”

He asked, looking at you with half-lidded eyes and grinning.

“Of course! Just let me finish making them first”

You chuckle, gently moving past him to go pour the batter onto a baking sheet, trying to keep them all at least semi the same size. Humming quietly as you did so, glisten watched with a soft look smiling as you worked.. stars he hoped you noticed how much he liked you- but with his luck.. maybe not.

“aaalright!”

You say, wiping off the nonexistent dust on your hands before placing them on your hips.

“Cookies should be done in about thirty minutes.”

You nod, looking back at Glisten, the mirror took just staring at you longingly. Blinking, you tilt your head waving your hand in front of his face. You could see yourself reflecting on the mirror.

“Glisten?”

“Hmm, oh, yes dear??”

“You were zoning out, you alright?”

Glisten cleared his throat, glancing to the side.

“Yes, just admiring you my dear, you’re very beautiful you know?”

“Oh-! Thank you, you really pretty to!”

You squeak back, a slight embarrassed blush on your face. Glisten hums with a nod, sighing softly.

You smile at him turning back to the dishes that do need cleaning, you didn’t want to leave ‘em dirty for everyone else!

It stayed silent for a couple minutes before glisten spoke up.

“So, do you like anyone darling?”

He asks, a curious hum laced in his voice, your eyes widen, the question unexpected!

“Oh- uhm, well I mean I like everyone? You guys are my friends?”

You replied back, glancing at him confused.

“No-no, do you like like someone, love even?”

“Well- ah- I.. guess? But I don’t think they like me back..”

Glisten tilted his head at that.

“Who wouldn’t like you! I mean, your adorable, your kind, your one of the best people to like!”

He rambles, perplexed on who this person could be! I mean you’re amazing.

Your face darkened at his praise, a nervous chuckle leaving your mouth.

“I mean.. I just don’t think he’s in my league, he’s confident, funny, extremely fashionable.. I’m not?”

You replied, shrugging, going back to washing the dishes almost done at this point! Glisten was trying to think, who could it be? Finn? He hoped not! That fish was far from funny or fashionable, not with that train wreck of an outfit he wore.. Rodger? No.. that man was as funny as a worm.

Glisten was deep in thought, while you finished cleaning. The oven beeped pulling him from his thoughts, you waddled over to kitchen appliance. Feeling the heat hit your face along with the sweet smell of fresh sweets.

“Why are you so curious anyway?”

You asked, glancing over to him, setting the tray down and turning off the oven.

“Oooh, just curious on the competition is all”

“..competition?”

You repeated, confused.

“To win you over!”

“Huh..?”

“I mean I do like you?”

“I.. uh like you to?”

“..did you just forget that whole other conversation we had..”

“Conversation..? Wait what did I ask.. you.. oh. Oh! OH-!”

You squeaked, looking at glisten surprised, your face a dark red.

“You like me? ME??”

Glisten nodded, tilting his head.

“..yes..? Why did you think I wanted to hang out with you so much?”

“Cause that’s what friends do I guess??”

“Compliment you on the daily?”

“I thought you were being nice!”

“The gifts???”

“I THOUGHT YOU WERE BEING NICE!-“

Glisten barks out a laugh, shaking his head,

“Really??”

“Yeah..”

“Well now that you’re aware, who’s this person you like?”

“..you..”

You mumble to him, he blinks at you in disbelief before leaning on the counter laughing loudly.

“Oh my sparkles! This is so cute- but you are so clueless-“

He chuckled, you put your face in your hands.

“Oh hush! If you keep laughing your losing cookie rights-“

He stops, eyes widened in horror.

“Okay okay! I’ll stop, you love me to much to actually do that.. right?”

A beat of silence passed by.

“Right?!”

———————————————————————

I hope you enjoyed this!! Again sorry it took so long- QvQ

[princessbrunette]

popes new gig as a driving instructor was meant to be easy money. he was a good, safe driver — and you were his first ever client. but from the smile you’d given him, all glittery and pink as you bounce over to his car and lean over to his driver seat window to greet him, giving him a direct look down your cleavage — he knew you’d do more than learn driving from him.

you preened under his praise everytime. it was distracting. he was trying to teach you how to safely drive, but everytime he’d let “you’re doing really good, keep going.” or a simple “good job.” leave his mouth you’d nearly swerve off the road. his subtle tips and adjustments would be met with flirtation, and giggly “yes sir”s to the point where he’d forget the rules of the road in an instant.

this went on for weeks, and due to his best friend jj’s constant lecturing regarding; ‘dude, you’ve got a hot ass girl in your car, practically begging for the D — you’re telling me you haven’t swooped on that yet? do better, man.’ pope decided enough was enough. this was either going to fix his problem, or make things really awkward— but it was a risk he was willing to take.

“pull up right here, in this parking lot.” he’d been extra tense that day, rather quiet the entire lesson with a stiff jaw and eyes hung low. you figured he’d been in a bad mood, and even went easy on your usual routine of finding reasons to touch his bicep at each stop light and flirting with him. you did as he said, pulling into the empty lot and finding a space somewhere in some dark corner where it would be easy for you to park.

without the humming of the engine filling the silence now, you turn and look at him in the dim lighting. pope often had two ways of going about things with women — either ultra nervous, or ultra to the point. with you, he’d started off a nervous wreck — practically jizzing in his pants every time you’d graze your manicure against his arm for the first few lessons, but due to the constant teasing he’d been driven to being directly upfront with you.

“look, i can’t take all this teasing anymore.” he stresses, brows creased. your giggly smile drops a little bit, seemingly switching on the innocent act. “every week, you hint and hint that you’re tryna get into something with me— and then at the end of the lesson, you just get out and walk away like it never happened.” he sighs hard, and you have to admit it’s rather cute.

“i’m sorry…” your brows knit together, guilt evident in your expression.

“and that’s fine — i would never pressure you to do anything like that, and believe me — i know this is completely unprofessional to be proposing on the job, and yeah — this could get me fired,” he rambles, working himself up. “but look, i’m a man okay? i am biologically programmed to have a bodily reaction to girls like you who can’t stop touching on me and being all adorable and sexy. that being said — if you wanna fuck, let’s just get it out the way, right here right now— and if not, we can drive you home, and never talk of this again. but you gotta stop acting like that, ‘cause i’m in pain.” he finishes up with his rant, sucking in a breath that he didn’t know he’d been holding the entire time. you stare at pope. pope stares back.

“oh fuck, oh pope!” you mewl into his neck as the car jostles violently from the backseat beneath the dim lighting on the parking lot. you’re naked from the waist down, and his shorts sit pooled around his ankles as you bounce on his cock, dick impaled through you. “s—so big, just like i imagined!”

“you imagined?” he pants, two hands planted on your waist as he helps you fuck down on his lap, staring up at you hopefully as he lifts his hips to meet your movements.

“every night! pictured you punishing me for bein’ such a tease!” you cry out in admission, halting the bouncing technique to roll your hips instead, the two of you groaning at the sensation.

“jesus, okay… well, i can definitely make that happen. you for sure deserve to be punished.” he babbles, pulling you closer — his eyes fluttering shut as you grind on him.

“are you g’nna punish me pope? for teasin’ you in our lessons?” your voice cracks desperately as you feel him repeatedly jutting against your g-spot, making your legs shake around him.

“yes. totally. i’ll punish you real good.” he spits out. it had been a while since he’d got his dick wet, especially from such a perfect princess — so all his concentration was going into making sure he didn’t bust right there and then. he simply agreed without thinking, he probably would have agreed to anything in that moment.

[in1-nutshell]

Hello, hope you’re doing well!!

I actually sent this in the last time you opened your inbox but I’m guessing it got drowned out by the other requests lol(it’s okay tho dw about it) so hopefully this stray request can make it even tho it’s a little late😓

I have a request with a cybertronian reader (Gender neutral) + swerve

-

Little info about reader, they were a performer but more specifically a singer who performed in bars.

Reader and swerve met at a bar when they were performing and he immediately was smitten, so after they were done swerve approached reader to tell them how amazing they were but he was a nervous WRECK. Not only did they have an amazing voice but they were drop dead gorgeous(Basically whatever the cybertronian equivalent for a model is).

Both joined the lost light and when swerve opened his bar, the reader would help him run it, sometimes even perform on the occasion.

Eventually some bots become curious about readers and swerves relationship since they looked very close, the reader always listening to swerves rambles, never shutting him up and sometimes seeing them crack a smile or even laugh at his jokes. Only ever really showing him any type of affection/emotion since they come of aloof and stoic when talking to others. So they ask the question to him (or reader)and he breaks the bombshell that they are conjuxes and the bots go crazy💀💀

No one would’ve expect swerve to be able to bag a baddie like reader but it happened

-

The whole dynamic is basically just Jessica rabbit and Roger rabbit, the bots in question can be of any of your choosing!

Remember to take breaks when needed and take care of yourself!!

Hi! Sorry to here about the request. Some request do get lost (thanks for understanding!)

Now I can finally get this written!

Hope you enjoy!

Bot Buddy the singer and being Swerve's Conjunx

SFW, Platonic, Romance, Cybertronain reader

MTMTE

The Lost Light had many duos and partners on board.

Some that made sense like Rewind and Chromedome.

Another duo’s that came as a pleasant surprise like Tailgate and Cyclonus.

But one of the more unlikely duos on the ship was Buddy and Swerve.

Swerve had told the patrons many times about the story of how they met.

Many are still trying to figure out how truthful the story really is.

They would ask Buddy… but they kind of intimidate many of the patrons at the bar.

According to the bartender, Swerve had been looking around the local bars for ideas on how to design his own bar.

It was one night he decided to stick around one of the bars for the entertainment section.

That’s when he saw them.

Swerve nursing a cube of engex.

“Hey, what’s for the entertainment tonight? Trivia? Drunk lobbing?”--Swerve

“Nah, Buddy’s singing tonight.”—Random Mech

“Buddy?”--Swerve

The bot sighs.

“Trust me, you don’t wanna miss this. Their performance… well you’ll see.”—Random Mech

Swerve shrugs it off but starts to notice the bar quiet down significantly and many bots looking at the stage with a look he could only describe as lovestruck.

“Please welcome once again to the stage, our wonderful singer, Buddy.”—Random Mech

Buddy’s tall frame walks slowly out of the curtains.

Their frame lighting up with the spotlight as the other lights had dimmed.

Swerve could defiantly see why everyone was excited.

They had a frame of a super model!

And that voice!

Swerve was certain that he too had a lovestruck look on his faceplate when the first verse spilled from their lips.

Swerve tells the patrons that he had admired Buddy’s talent and ended up asking them their com line, so when he did have his own bar, he would contact them.

Not many are convinced that this is true, or at least the whole truth.

Thanks to a certain minibot with a camera bolted to his helm, he had the story on what happened after the show.

Swerve had been a nervous wreck the entire performance.

Buddy had noticed him in the crowd looking like he was going to short circuit at any moment.

Honestly, if they could, they would have stopped singing to go check up on the minibot.

After their performance they personally went to the minibot to see if he was okay.

Swerve stumbling out of the bar only to bump into someone’s leg.

“Oh! Sorry about that! Didn’t watch where I was going and—”--Swerve

His voice stops as he looks up at the beauty that was on stage a mere second ago.

“Are you okay? You looked like you needed help back there.”--Buddy

“N-nope! I mean Nah, I’m good. I’m fine! Everything’s fine!”--Swerve

Buddy smiles at him.

“I’m Buddy. What’s your name?”--Buddy

“Swerve…”--Swerve

“Well Swerve, I’ve been singing at this bar for a while now to know most of the regulars, yet, I’ve never seen you around.”--Buddy

“Yeah, Kind of looking around seeing how bars go and all. I wanna make a place of my own one day with a friend of mine and, well, I wanted to see what gets the bots coming back, besides the engex of course.”--Swerve

Buddy chuckles a bit looking at the flustered minibot.

They look over at the slightly less crowded booth at one corner of the bar.

“There’s an empty booth over there and I sure could go for a drink… do you mind accompanying me? Maybe talk a bit more about that bar of yours.”--Buddy

Swerve thinks for a second before agreeing to the drink.

He did end up giving them his private comline that night and Buddy ended up having a nice night with a cute minibot.

The rest was history.

No one had yet figured out how Buddy could stand to be with Swerve and his rambling.

They were quiet and had a neutral look on their faceplate when they weren’t performing. Yet here they were listening to Swerve’s chatter before and after their performances without any complaint.

If anything, few bots have seen smiles, chuckles and bits of laughter from the taller bot.

“What’s between you and Buddy anyways?”--Brainstorm

“Well it all started—”--Swerve

“Yes, I get that part, but what are you two exactly? Surely, Amica Endura or maybe you haven’t worked up to that point yet.”

Swerve gives the bot a confused look.

“They’re my Conjunx?”—Swerve

Brainstorm feels his optic twitch.

“What?”--Brainstorm

“They’re my—”--Swerve

“I heard that! But how?! Your you and Buddy is… Just how?!”--Brainstorm

Swerve shrugs as Buddy takes the stage.

Brainstorm walks back to his table with Chromedome and Rewind pouting.

“I still don’t believe what he said.”—Brainstorm

Chromedome looks up from his engex.

“What did Swerve say?”--Chromedome

“He said he and Buddy are Conjunx Endura.”—Brainstorm

Chromedome nearly spits out his drink.

Rewind seems unfazed by this news.

“Really?!”--Chromedome

“Knew it.”—Rewind

Both bots look at the minibot curiously.

“And how did you know?”--Chromedome

Rewind points to the stage.

“Watch the optics.”--Rewind

The group looks at Buddy’s optics.

They are firmly planted at the bartender pouring their voice into the love song in the mic.

“… Maybe he’s right…”--Brainstorm

That's them!

[cosmicanamnesis]

he tastes like chocolate (everybody loves a coffee shop au) pt. 4

[part 1] [part 3] [part 5] [read on ao3]

December 30th, evening

Eddie was close to finishing his day, hiding at the front desk with Barb, when Steve walked back past the shop on his way home. Frantically Eddie opened the camera on his phone and took an almost comically bad picture of Steve as he was walking away. He hadn't heard from Steve at all since that first text, but it might have been his fault for not giving him anything to make conversation off of. He sent Steve the picture and hoped for a response while he and Barb started their closing duties.

"You talking to Steve?" she asked, catching him texting by the back door when he was supposed to be running the trash out.

"Huh? Oh, yeah, sorry," Eddie looked up, startled, and realized he was still holding a trash bag in his other hand. "I just… I want to hang out with him, just us, before I drag him to the party, y'know? Let him actually get to know me a little before I freak him out."

"You won't freak him out," Barb assured him.

"I might!" Eddie whined. "You've seen videos of our shows! The guy wears polo shirts, B, I have a crush on a fucking normie!"

I would love to, actually, yeah!

"Go take the trash out, dummy," Barb said as Eddie smiled at his phone.

"Yeah, I will, one sec."

wanna just meet me here? i havent left yet

Be there soon!

:)

Eddie tapped his phone against his thigh, biting his lip, trying not to look like a crazy person. Then it hit him: He had no plan here. And he had approximately ten minutes to come up with one. Could be worse.

He tried not to rush his clean up duties, but found himself cleaning faster than usual anyway. 

“That was efficient,” Barb said as Eddie clocked out.

“Um, thanks? I guess?”

“Anxious?”

“Very.”

“He’s meeting you here?”

“Yup.”

“You’re not gonna freak him out.”

“If I don’t, Gareth will,” Eddie said pointedly. He knew how his friends were. This needed to work out if he had any chance here. He bounced on the balls of his feet a few times and sighed, staring out the window. “Okay… Cool cool cool. I’m gonna wait out front.”

“Tell me how it goes!” Barb waved as he left.

Eddie lit a cigarette as soon as he was outside, and stood off to the side so no one in the shop could see him, leaning against the concrete barrier between the tattoo parlor’s storefront and the hair salon next door. It helped settle his nerves, and he figured Steve might as well learn about his vices from the get go before Eddie let himself get too emotionally attached. It was dark out, but the strip was well-lit, though there wasn’t much foot traffic this time of the evening. He stared directly across the street, trying not to look up the road for Steve every thirty seconds.

Finally he heard footsteps coming towards him and let himself look. Steve waved at him as he passed under a streetlight, quickly shoving his hand back in his coat pocket. Eddie hoped it was too dark for Steve to tell he was blushing, or at the very least too cold.

“Hey,” Steve huffed. Eddie could see his breath. His whole face was flushed pink. Eddie wanted to kiss him.

Woah. That came out of nowhere.

“Hi,” Eddie smiled and took a drag off his cigarette. Steve’s expression was borderline unreadable. “Sorry,” Eddie said, holding the cigarette a little further from Steve, just in case.

“Huh? Oh, no, you’re fine. You can smoke. I used to- Well, I didn’t really quit, Robin just doesn’t let me smoke at the apartment.” Steve could physically feel himself turning more and more into Robin as he rambled. He realized Eddie thought he was judging his smoking, when really he was just staring. Eddie was just pretty, and Steve was a nervous wreck.

Eddie nodded, and offered the cigarette out to him with a hum.

“You sure?” Steve asked, halfway pulling a hand out of his pocket. Eddie just shrugged. “Thanks.”

Eddie watched as the ember illuminated his face in dim orange light when he took a drag. He couldn’t kiss him, but sharing a cigarette was close enough for now.

“If Robin yells at you for smelling like smoke, you can just blame me,” Eddie joked. Steve smiled, exhaling smoke through his teeth.

“Oh, don’t worry, I will.” Steve passed the cigarette back. “So, what’s the plan?”

“I dunno. Have you eaten yet?”

“I’ve had coffee?”

“Dude. That so doesn’t count!” Eddie scolded, but he couldn’t keep a straight face.

“What are you, my mother?” Steve laughed. Eddie passed him the cigarette again.

“Well, I’m starving, so I’m getting food. And it sort of sounds like you’re stuck with me, unless you want to listen to your roommate getting it on with some guy.”

“Girl. Robin’s gay. Which is almost worse, honestly. I’ve had to stay the night at other people’s houses before.”

Eddie started walking back the direction Steve came from, and he was right, Steve didn’t really have a choice but to follow.

“What about her? You kick her out of the house when you bring someone home, too?”

“I mean,” Steve ran a hand through his hair. “I haven’t really had anybody to bring home since we moved in together… But even if I did, I honestly don't know if she'd leave. The woman has, like, no boundaries… Except the word boobies. She hates when I say that.” Eddie laughed and flicked the cherry out of the cigarette, holding the empty filter in his fist.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “How long have you guys lived together?”

“Uh… Little over a year now, I think?” Eddie stopped dead on the sidewalk, staring at Steve in disbelief. Steve made it about two more steps before he realized Eddie wasn’t at his side anymore. “What?”

“You haven’t had a girlfriend in a year? I don’t believe you.”

“What? Why not?”

Because you are obscenely hot and wildly charismatic! No, he couldn’t say that. He kept walking.

“I dunno, like… Look at you! You look like that and you work in a coffee shop, I guess I just thought people would be throwing themselves at you.”

Steve ducked his head, trying to hide the blush warming his face.

“Well, turns out after high school, looking like me doesn’t really help a guy out when he works a minimum wage job and lives with his female best friend.”

“Fuck off. I bet plenty of people are secretly in love with you,” Eddie laughed. God, could he sound any more desperate?

“I doubt it,” Steve chuckled. “It’s not like I’m some interesting tattoo artist who has his own band or anything.” He shot Eddie a sideways glance.

“Aw, you think I’m interesting?” Eddie said sweetly, knocking into Steve’s shoulder.

“Less and less by the second,” Steve retorted.

Eddie tossed the cigarette butt he was carrying in the garbage can on the next corner.

“Good,” he said. “I’m not that interesting. I’m also not a tattoo artist yet. I am in a band, I’ll give you that, but we’re barely even known on the local scene. It’s not going great.”

“Well, are you in the band to get famous or are you in the band to share your art?”

Eddie hadn’t ever thought about it like that. “To share the art, I guess… Honestly I don’t know what I would do if we were famous famous. We’d probably kill each other if we ever had to do a national tour.” That made Steve laugh.

“I’m excited to see you guys play,” he said. “I imagine some kind of… Hard rock or metal sort of deal?” He gestured vaguely to Eddie’s vest. Eddie smiled.

“Yeah, basically. Think… Metallica, Black Sabbath, shit like that.”

“I would love to, but I have… never actually listened to them.”

“Are you serious?” Eddie almost yelled, grabbing Steve’s arm. “Oh my god. Okay. I promise you, you have at least heard some of their stuff if you’ve ever, like, listened to a radio station you didn’t pick. I promise.”

“I believe you,” Steve laughed. “I just can’t name any of their stuff, I guess.”

Eddie started rifling through his pockets. “Shit… I don’t have my headphones. The one fucking time…” He grumbled. “Okay. We’re gonna get food, we’re gonna walk back to my car, I am making you listen to Metallica at least.”

“Yeah, sure. Like you said, I don’t really have other options. I’m sure whatever you’re about to make me listen to is gonna be preferable to listening to whatever Robin is doing.”

“In here,” Eddie grabbed Steve’s arm and dragged him suddenly off to the side. To call the joint a restaurant would be generous, and to call it a hole in the wall would be an understatement. There was no one at the counter when they came in. The lobby had one table and a soda fountain and absolutely nothing else. 

“Did you just drag me into a closet that serves food?”

“Best Mexican within walking distance,” Eddie smiled. A young woman, no, a fucking teenager came out of the back.

“Evening, guys,” she said, pulling her hair back. “Know what you want?”

“Do you trust me?” Eddie asked, smiling at Steve.

“I guess?”

“Wait, you’re not like, vegan, are you?” Steve burst out laughing.

“No, and I’m not allergic to anything, either.”

“Awesome.”

Steve hung back while Eddie went up to the counter and ordered for both of them, speaking more casually to this kid than he ever had when he was ordering at the Waystation. He still paid in cash, and dropped his change in the tip jar. The girl took their ticket to the back, yelling loudly in Spanish that Steve caught maybe every fifth word of.

“Wanna sit?” Eddie asked, tipping his head towards the small table. He had two empty cups in his hand and made his way back towards the soda fountain.

“Sure,” Steve pulled a chair out and sat down, watching Eddie fill one cup with lemonade. 

“What do you want?” he asked, setting the cup under the ice dispenser.

“Uh, Dr. Pepper, I guess.” It was one of those machines, he realized, that only had weird sodas. Eddie nodded and filled the cup, bringing both to the table.

“You’re looking at me funny, what’d I do?” he asked, sliding in across from Steve.

“Nothing, sorry,” Steve said, smiling as he looked down at his own hands.

“Like hell.”

“... How come you never smile like that when you order from me?” Steve tried to keep a sort-of-joking tone to his voice. Eddie raised an eyebrow at him.

“Because Izzy is sixteen and I'm scary-looking," he said, like it was somehow obvious. "If you looked terrified of me every time I came in, I'd be that nice to you, too."

"Oh, it's that easy, is it?" Steve laughed. “You aren’t that nice to Chrissy.”

“Which one’s Chrissy?”

“Blonde? Big eyes? Never had a zit in her life?”

Eddie just shrugged. “I’m sure I’ve seen her.”

“She thinks you’re weird.”

“I am weird,” Eddie smiled, sipping his lemonade.

“Maybe. I dunno, you seem pretty normal to me. She says you’re unapproachable. Standoffish.”

“Am I not?”

“I don’t think so.”

They stared at each other for a long moment before the teenager, Izzy, brought their order out in a brown paper bag. 

“Thanks, Iz,” Eddie said gratefully. She smiled at him and retreated again to the back.

“Figured we could take this back to my van?” Eddie said, grabbing the bag. “Eat and I can make you listen to decent music?”

“Sure,” Steve shrugged. Eddie smiled and stood up, and held the door for him on their way out.

“You live over here somewhere?” Eddie guessed, holding the bag of food half under his arm.

“Yeah, um. Down that way,” Steve pointed down the road as they crossed the street. “For being a downtown apartment, it’s actually not that shitty.”

“That’s pretty cool.”

“What about you?”

“What about me what?”

“Where do you live?”

“Oh, nowhere near here. Like, twenty minutes…” Eddie spun around as they walked, ending up facing backwards. “That way? Ish?” He pointed somewhere in the distance.

“In the suburbs?”

“I guess?”

“Fair enough. Did you grow up here?”

“Nah… Well, kind of. Grew up near here, but I moved in with my uncle in high school and he lives here.”

“Your uncle, huh?” Steve asked. “Just like, for school?”

“Yeah, but also, no…” Eddie was really trying to avoid the subject, but Steve wasn’t getting it. “My parents… I mean. It doesn’t really matter, but… They weren’t stellar.”

“Oh.” Steve said. He had a lot of questions, but he also didn’t want to be invasive. “Mine either.”

“Yeah?” Eddie glanced over at him, leading him back into a parking lot by their work building.

“Yeah… I guess it doesn’t really matter either. Just. I get it. Glad you had somewhere else to go,” Steve said, following Eddie to his van.

Eddie handed him the bag of food while he struggled with the lock on the back.

"Are you here for school?" he asked, trying three times before the back of the van finally unlatched. Stupid piece of shit fucking car.

"Nah," Steve shrugged, trying not to drop their dinner. "My dad wanted me to do the whole, y'know, college thing. But it's just not for me, I think?"

"What the hell are you doing here, then?" Eddie asked, climbing into the back of the van. He gestured to Steve to give him the bag before Steve climbed in behind him, pulled the doors shut after.

"Rob's in school. Music major. Met her working a summer job after I graduated high school. She asked if I'd move in with her and split rent so she wouldn't have to dorm with anybody, so. Here I am."

"That's pretty sweet," Eddie said, distributing food. He leaned over the center console to turn the van on so they could have heat and music. Steve watched as he pulled a handful of cassettes out of the glove box.

"Jesus, dude, how old is this car?" he asked, watching Eddie choose a tape. The van only had a cassette deck.

"Younger than me," he huffed, sliding the cassette in. "Old enough it's hard to get replacement parts for."

They opened their to-go boxes and ate quietly for a minute while Eddie's music played in the background. It wasn't Steve's usual choice, but it wasn't bad either. He made a mental note to find out what the album was and save it later.

"Damn, this is like. Real Mexican food," Steve said, his mouth still half-full.

"It's good, right?" Eddie smiled. "So where are you from that you met Robin while she was in school?"

"Here, more or less. Well. No. We went to high school together like, an hour… That way?" Steve pointed in his best guess of where their hometown was. "But I didn't actually meet her till later. Then she was like hey, you don't completely suck, move in with me," Steve put on a tone that Robin really wouldn't have appreciated. 

"Oh yeah, of course. That's what I look for in all my roommates," Eddie laughed.

"Naturally. It's foolproof," Steve deadpanned. Eddie covered his mouth with his first, giggling but trying not to choke. 

"I really thought you guys were together," Eddie admitted once he could breathe again.

"We get that a lot… Friend of mine, this kid I used to babysit, he really tried to get us together until Robs came out to everybody."

"Oof," Eddie tried not to laugh. "How'd he take that?"

Steve paused a moment, smiling as he recalled the memory, before setting his food down on the floor of the van and doing his best Dustin impression, hand gestures and all. 

"You mean you're the first girl that is top to bottom perfect for Steve, and you're fucking gay?? I'm sorry, Steve, but you might actually be hopeless."

Eddie leaned back against the wall of the van, clutching his sides in hysterics.

"Does he still try to play matchmaker for you?" he asked, taking a deep breath to calm himself back down.

"Less matchmaker now that he's twenty one, more wingman, but he is… God, I hate to say it, but he is a terrible wingman," Steve laughed. Eddie started cackling again. "Like, every girl he meets at the bars, and every gay man, he's like, oh have you met Steve? And it's never even got me a one night stand, dude. He's awful!"

Eddie had practically fallen over laughing as Steve recounted his tale of his garbage wingman.

"I can't even go to our regular bars by myself anymore! People look at me all weird!"

"Let me guess," Eddie said, trying to control his laughter. "He turned twenty one either right before or right after you moved in with Robin?"

"Before," Steve said, playing with his food. "I can't go to any of the bars back home, either."

"Well, maybe he's just not looking in the right places."

"He tries to set me up with people at work, too. And people in his classes. And his TAs. And this one math professor he had… In his defense, I was the one that rejected the math teacher, he's not just constantly underselling me."

"Sounds like he doesn't really know how to pitch you, though."

"How do you mean?"

"I mean if some dork came up to me in a bar and just said hey, my friend is hopelessly single, you seem cool, would you talk to him, and the friend in question looked like you… I'd be inclined to talk."

"I'll make sure to tell him that next time I see him," Steve chuckled. "Hey, hang on, I know this song!" He looked at the tape deck, forgetting there wasn't a screen there to tell him what the song was.

"Probably, it's one of their more popular ones," Eddie shrugged.

"Do a lot of people cover it? I think the version I know is a cover."

"Oh yeah," Eddie nodded emphatically. "Fuckin' everybody covers it. It's dead simple, too. I think I learned it by ear in like a week."

"Isn't it like ten minutes long?" Steve laughed. 

"Eh, like eight and a half."

"Yeah, no, my friend, the wingman, he listens to this one band… I don't know what they're called, but they've got a cover of it. Makes me play their stuff anytime I drive him anywhere."

"Sounds like the guy has good taste."

"Yeah, he's alright."

Steve started eating again, giving Eddie a chance to check the time.

"Oh, god damn it," he muttered.

"Hm?" Steve glanced up at him.

"Huh? Oh, nothing, just. Missed a call from my uncle, hang on…" Wayne never left voicemails, to Eddie's chagrin. He never knew what was in store for him when he called back. Someone could be dead for all he knew, or he might have mail. He hit redial and put the phone to his ear. Wayne answered on the fourth ring.

"Hey, I'm with a friend right now, what's up?... Yes, that one… Did you need something or-? Yeah, I can… I dunno, later? Oh, no, absolutely not- no-" Eddie sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "My uncle wants to meet you," he said, giving Steve a world-weary look.

"Why?" Steve laughed. Eddie shrugged.

"Why do you want to- No. I'm not saying that. I- Christ. Steve, do you care if I drag you on an errand?"

Steve checked his phone, knowing full well Robin hadn't given him the all clear yet. 

"Yeah, fine. 'M not doing anything else."

"Cool. Yeah, give me like an hour… Okay… Love you too, bye," Eddie let his phone fall to the floor as he buried his face in his hands, grumbling something Steve couldn't hear.

"-god damn crotchety motherfucker," Eddie moved his hands away from his face enough for Steve to catch the end of his rant. "Sorry."

"No, you're fine. What did he want?"

“We’re just out of some stuff at the house, he asked me to stop by the grocery store on my way home. Obviously I didn’t let him know about us hanging out until just now cause, uh. It’s not like we planned it ahead of time.” 

“Yeah, that’s fair. So why does he want to meet me?”

Eddie shrugged, leaning back against the wall of the van. “He likes to meet my friends,” he explained. “Likes to have a face to go with the name.” 

That’s not really what Wayne had said at all. He wanted to meet Steve so he could appraise the man his nephew was so strung out for. Obviously Eddie couldn’t say that to Steve’s face, and he hoped his uncle would have enough tact to not say it when they met, either.

“Well, no point keeping him waiting, I guess,” Steve said, setting aside his empty to go box. Eddie nodded and climbed into the driver’s seat, Steve following close behind.

------------

the more i write this, the more i feel like i'm diverging from the coffee shop au label but it's cute and fun anyway, so. whatever

tagging: @original-cypher @avacrebss @dangdirtydemons @rainydays35 @changenamelater @phantypurple @alienace @renaissan-vvitch @krazyperson @steddiereid @kittsu-makes-glass @i-must-potato @jaywhohasthegay @henderdads @mightbeasleep @straight4joekeery @sharingisntkaren @micheledawn1975 @thehumblefigtree @goodolefashionedloverboi @xxfiction-is-my-realityxx @potentialheartofdarkness(you didn't ask but i saw ur tags so i thought you'd appreciate it)

@dreammetheworld08 @steveisabicon @biatcgh @alittlegreyfish i don't know why but you guys don't come up when i try to tag you. if y'all see this, lmk if you are actually getting a notification bc if not, i can just shoot y'all messages when new parts go up (i have. literally nothing else going on. it's no extra hassle or anything, i just don't wanna be weird). AND if anybody knows why this is happening and/or how to fix it, please tell me

[lilacliquors]

pairing: poe dameron x reader

sweet or spicy: sweet

word count: 698

prompt: [  FIRST  ]: sender tells the receiver “i love you” for the first time

notes: here's day seven! can't believe we're halfway done with the event already! it's been fun coming home from work and just sitting down to write, i've missed it <3

there had been no word since poe had left for jakku. you hadn’t wanted him to go in the first place, but as the best pilot in the resistance, he felt it was his duty to handle this mission for general organa. which left you back at the resistance base, just waiting. waiting for a sign, a signal, a distress call (though you had your fingers crossed it wouldn’t be that), anything. it became routine for you to try and ask one of his fellow pilots if they’d heard anything yet, but before you could even ask, they would simply shake their heads no, and you’d find yourself once again in the dark on the situation. it was frustrating, and exhausting. and you understood everyone was anxious, everyone was waiting for news, but for you … it was different.

it was no secret that there had been something between you two before he left. everyone could see it, in the way he looked at you, the way your acted around one another, it was clear as day that some unspoken existed there. and truth be told, you were going to tell him how you felt. you’d finally worked up the courage, but by the time you’d made it to the tarmac, he was gone. now you were nothing but a nervous wreck, worrying about his safety every night when you went to bed, and every morning when you woke up. 

one morning, you felt someone shake you awake, startling you. you jerked your head up, looking around while blinking the sleep from your eyes.

“you need to come quickly!” a nurse from the medbay said. “it’s poe!”

you snapped awake and hurriedly got dressed. you didn’t quite know what to expect, since she’d left before you could ask any questions. your mind was racing as you pulled on your shoes and your jacket. was he hurt? was he alive? was he even back home? millions more thoughts ran through your mind as you made it out onto the tarmac. you were going to use it to cut across to the medbay, but when you heard a whistle, you froze. you then turned, and the relief you felt was indescribable. poe was jogging towards you, looking a little worn, but in good spirits. you felt yourself smile, and you ran to him. he stopped and held his arms open for you, and you practically launched yourself into his hold, wrapping your arms around his neck as you let out a laugh.

“poe! i was so worried about you!” you whispered, burying your face in his neck.

“i know, i had a feeling you were. i’m sorry … i couldn’t reach out sooner, it was way too risky. but i’m here now,” he whispered back, and you nodded. it was like time stood still, and you knew, then and there, you had to finally say something. you couldn’t let another moment slip by without him knowing the truth. “poe?” you murmured, pulling back to look at him.

“yeah? everything okay?” he asked when he saw the look in your eyes.

“mhm. i just … i need to … you scared me half to death, you know. i was worried sick, think that i’d never get to see you again, and that i’d never get to tell you that i love you. because i do. i love you more than anything. i don’t know how long it’s been, i just know that i don’t ever want to experience this again,” you said, rambling on and on. 

poe was quiet, but then his face broke into a wide grin. you felt his hands on your hips, and he lifted you up, spinning you around a bit before setting you back down.

“wish you’d said something sooner,” he said with a grin. “because i’m crazy about you. i wanted to say something before i left, but there was no time. but … this is the best thing i could have come home to.”

you felt your face heat up, but then you smiled, and together, you embraced once more.

“don’t leave without a goodbye next time, yeah?” you asked.

“never again, i promise.”

[munsonsreputation]

#4 taylor x stranger things 🧣 - send me your character of choice and a taylor song and ill write a short imagine based on it!!!! (yes queen taylor gets her own prompt alright!!!! HAHAHAAH)

(i don't think you understand you hard i smiled when i saw this prompt) begin again (taylor's version) with steve!

hi cleo!!!!

so sorry this took so long, but i hope i was able to do this request justice!! i love the album red (tv, of course) and to me, begin again screams steve finding love again!! i wrote it in the pov of reader and i hope you love it!!!

thanks again for your request and support!!! 🧣🍂☕️📚

The air was filled with warmth, wrapping you in the aroma of freshly ground coffee beans and the sweetness of the doughs baking in the ovens. They were a slight chatter over the customers dining in around you and making their orders at the registers, but you were too busy to notice all of that.

You were caught up in everything that was Steve Harrington. The dreamy boy from Hawkins sitting across from you in the cafe where you were nursing a latte while listening to him speak about Christmas movies he and his friends were planning to watch over the holidays.

Steve wasn’t what you had expected at all, especially for this meeting between you and him to be one of your first dates. In all honestly, you were predicting the usual awkward silence and vague conversation, all while he tried to flirt his way back to your place, but it was the complete opposite.

He had arrived early, already saving a table for the two of you. And when he saw you through the glass windows, approaching the shop, he immediately stood, waving hello and stretching your chair out as came over to him.

Talking to him wasn’t as nerve-racking as you’d thought it would be. If anything, it came smoothly, like second nature as you told him about the drive over where you heard James Taylor on the radio and how it reminded you of how the two met and stumbled upon this date in the first place.

You searching through endless stacks of records trying to find the very specific James Taylor album you needed to complete your collection.

After Steve had heard you talking to the owners of the store, he had found it in another section, misplaced by a previous customer. He approached you, carrying a smile as he handed over the vinyl and then struck up a conversation about music. And of course, not leaving before he asked you out on a date.

“You okay? Tired of hearing me talk about Christmas movies?” His ramble suddenly ceased with a laugh, noting the way your eyes were a bit glazed over, staring through him rather than at him.

You shook your head, snapping out of the slight daydream you found yourself falling into.

Smiling lightly, you offered a response, “No, please, enlighten me about Bruce Willis and the 40 stories of sheer adventure.” You half joked, seeing him chuckle by the way you were able to memorize the movie’s stupid catchphrase.

Taking a sip of your latte, you watched him shrug his shoulders, and advert his attention towards you, “Alright, enough about me, you alright? You seem a little shy.”

Not that it bothered him one bit considering that you were shy in the record store you two met in, but he was crossing his fingers that you weren’t regretting this date. That it was just the jitters and you would come out of your shell, eventually.

“Oh, I’m really fine. It’s just that this is my first date in a while, so y’know, don’t want to make a fool out of myself.” You told him with a light wince.

Steve shook his head knowingly, waving off that thought of yours, and instead offering you a soft expression as he leaned forward and rested his chin on his fist, looking at you.

“If it makes you feel any better, it’s been a while since I’ve been on a date, too…gotta tell you, I was a nervous wreck waiting here for you.” He tsked, tapping his fingers on the table as you rose a suspecting brow at him.

“Seriously! I thought you were gonna stand me up or something.” He looked away for a moment, shyly not meeting your eyes until he heard your laughter.

“Me?!” You giggled, throwing your head back as he nodding with a smile, tugging his lips up in a smile.

“Yes you! You’re beautiful and amazing and I don’t know what I did right to get a date with you.”

His words made you blush, tucking your cheek against your shoulder, feeling like a high schooler all over again with a schoolgirl crush.

Steve didn’t know how much it took for you to take a chance on a date with him. You weren’t really looking for a relationship, let alone a date, but you decided to jump in headfirst and just give it go.

And you were glad that you did because Steve was different in a lot of ways.

He didn’t comment on how your high heels made him feel short.

Or how he didn’t understand why you liked James Taylor’s music in the first place.

He didn’t understand why you thanked him profusely after he pulled out your chair for you, but you did.

You knew that relationships were never easy for you, but Steve made it feel like it could be that way.

“Steve, you don’t know how much I like you, and this is only our first date.” You declared softly, creeping your fingers closer to his hand across the table, yet not meeting his, petrified of his reply to your honesty.

He grinned, eyes flickering to your hands as he made the move to brush his fingers against yours, resting them snugly on top of one another before meeting his eyes to yours.

“I feel the exact same way.”

Steve had always thought that the feeling of infatuation was supposed to spark with pandemonium. The kind where it was obsessive and all over the place, but with you it felt peaceful. Sure, he was nervous asking you on a date and even waiting here for your arrival, but there was that underlying assurance of peace.

So for the first time in a long time, for you and Steve it felt like a new start.

One that you both could watch begin again.

leave a comment and let me know if want to be added to my taglist!!

taglist: @translatemunson @kennedy-brooke @manda-panda-monium @tvserie-s-world @givemeth @steveharringtonswife @astolenkiss @loving-and-dreaming @awkotaco24 @engenelxver

[minastras]

prev • masterlist • next

→ 09 you’re sweet

words: 0.7k

Jay liked studying with you, he really did, but you made it difficult sometimes. His mind kept drifting off to how good you looked, how nice you smelled, how you scrunched your nose adorably whenever you made a typo.

You were working together in one of the graduate researcher rooms on the top floor of the library, protected from wandering undergraduates by an access card lock. The fully glass door and massive windows didn’t exactly make the room very private or intimate, but he was nervous anyway.

“Are you okay? Do you want to take a break?” you asked, noticing he hadn’t written a word in the last ten minutes.

His cheeks flushed a bright red. “I’m fine,” he replied immediately, as if that was a normal reaction to have. “What’ve you been up to?”

If you were weirded out by his unusual cadence or behaviour, you pretended not to notice.

“I’m still trying to figure out who wrecked my car,” you laughed, showing him your hand-drawn map of your building’s carpark. “I have four suspects on my radar right now, so I’m seeing which of them is the most likely culprit based on their usual driving paths.”

Jay’s heart dropped into his stomach.

“Oh- uh- who’s on your suspect list?” he asked.

“That dick who drives the red Lamborghini, our upstairs neighbours, this guy who hates my roommate Sunghoon, and the girl who lives down the hall,” you said, ticking each suspect off on your fingers. “None of them seem like particularly strong suspects yet.”

He relaxed, if only marginally. “It sounds like your investigation’s hit a dead end. Maybe you should just give up,” he suggested.

“I can still get the CCTV footage from our building’s security guard,” you mused, thinking out loud more than anything. No. No, you couldn’t do that.

“That’s crazy!” he exclaimed, laughing nervously, fidgeting with the zipper of his jacket. “I mean- taking the train isn’t so bad, right? Gas prices are nuts now. Road taxes are going up. That shitty car was on death’s door anyway.”

He winced at his own bumbling ineptitude and stole a glance at you. You’d fallen silent, clearly upset by something he’d said in his long ramble.

“I’m sorry,” he said. You just shrugged. After an agonising silence, he asked, “Why are you so attached to that car?”

Another agonising silence passed.

“Marty was my parents’ car,” you finally answered, looking down at your hands instead of at him. “They got him right before I was born and named him after Marty McFly from Back to the Future, and when I was little they used to tell me he could travel back in time just like in the movies.”

You had a wistful smile on your face, picturing childhood memories he couldn’t see.

“When I left home for university years ago, they gave him to me even though they couldn’t afford another car and even though they needed him more than I did, just so I’d have a slightly easier commute to and from campus.

“All my most important moments happened with him — my first drive back home to visit my family, my first road trip with Chaewon, my first time moving houses on my own. And he was one of the few pieces of my parents I had here. I feel like I’ve failed them — I promised to be responsible and take care of their car and I didn’t.”

Guilt tugged at Jay’s heartstrings. He should’ve confessed from the start. He’d spent the last month trying to stop you from finding out the truth. And wasn’t he still here now, lying and deceiving you?

“That’s not on you, though. It’s not like you drove irresponsibly and wrecked your car. It’s m- the other person’s fault,” he pointed out.

Again, you shrugged, noncommittal.

“I can see why it was so important to you,” he said, debating whether or not he should give you a hug before deciding not to. “You shouldn’t blame yourself.”

Finally you cracked a small smile, lifting your head to look him in the eye.

“Thank you, Jay,” you said, with a fondness in your gaze he hadn’t seen from you before then. “You’re sweet.”

He should’ve just told you the truth.

[kaiandels]

Two Hearts (finale): e.w x reader

warnings: none! calm chapter completely wholesome but kind of short ig?

writer’s note: this will be the last chapter. this is not intense so do not expect anything !! and sorry if it took so long.. when i say i’m busy with uni, i am. NOT PROOFREAD!

part 1- part 2 - part 3 - part 4 - part 5 - part 6 - part 7

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.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·. .·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·. .·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·. .·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:

Love is a confusing thing. Not everyone is blessed enough to feel this concept. You have always thought that you were incapable of doing so, that you weren't worthy. 'Cause all you felt in this life that you have lived was nothing but rejection which made you dense to the feeling of Love. And you knew, that Ellie was the same. You both were looking for the same thing. And it felt so good that you both were able to provide it for each other.

"In this life I have done nothing but love you." Ellie whispered.

The denial that was evident throughout was just a decoy for the intense love that couldn't be displayed. You both were cowards. You didn't accept the risk of losing someone who you spent your whole life with just because you loved them more than a friend should love another. Love is a confusing thing. You hoped to God that it would change for the better.

It did. It seemed like the whole world revolved around you and her only. You were deprived of love, Ellie knew that. Ever since you were a child you have done nothing but try to get the constant approval of your parents. You had done nothing but try to achieve the academic goals or even the career goals for no one but them and them only. The love that was lacking throughout your life, was provided by Ellie. And the love that was lacking through hers, were provided by you.

You were going to meet up with Joel, you had just put on something casual as the planned set-up would only be in a café. You decided to not outdone yourselves because you wanted the ambiance to be just perfect to announce you and Ellie’s relationship. To be completely honest, you were a nervous wreck. And Ellie didn’t seem to get that at all. But, the things that ran through your mind was just “what if he doesn’t like me for Ellie?” or “what if he thinks that i’m too full of myself?”

You gulped as you blankly stared at the mirror, your gaze travelling up and down your body as you were so unsure of how presentable you wanted to be. “You’re fine.” Ellie broke the silence as she stood behind you, her arms crossed. “Why are you so nervous? You’ve been with Joel ever since we were 5.” Ellie asked as she looked at you in to the mirror. “I don’t know. What if he doesn’t like me for you? I mean I wasn’t the best child at all, he always scolded me when we would play in the backyard and- what if hejustdoesntlikemeforyoubecauseimnotthegirlwhoheseesyouwith?” You rambled as your hands went their ways through the air as Ellie stared at you dumbfoundedly. Is that even a word? It’s probably possible ‘cause that’s the way Ellie’s feeling right now.

“You’re doing too much, seriously.” Ellie laughed as she stepped closer to you to hug you from behind. “You’re going to be okay. Like I said, you’ve known him your whole life.” You sighed at the reassurance as you melted under her embrace. You nodded as you accepted your “faith”.

A few hours later, you and Ellie had arrived to the café. You both got out the car, laughing as you both noticed that your breaths both hitched. You looked at eachother as Ellie pointed at the window, you followed her direction and saw Joel sitting quietly at the booth, reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. He never changed. You thought.

You and Ellie walked in the café hand in hand as you both walked up to Joel. “Hey..” Ellie said almost whispering as she caught Joel’s attention. “Hey kiddo. Oh have I missed ya.” Joel claimed giving Ellie an excited shit-eating grin. He stood up as he gave Ellie a tight hug, ruffling her hair in the process. “Fuck- JOEL!” Ellie groaned as they both laughed.

You stood there, admiring the two as your heart melted. You wished that you could feel like that again, but the last time you ever felt that way was when you were 8 years old. “Hey Y/n.” Joel said as he walked up to you and gave you a fast and soft hug. You always were awkward with eachother. “Hey Joel” You said giving him a soft smile. Ellie snorted, catching you and Joel’s attention. “Come on, you guys.” Ellie said patting the empty space beside her. You looked at Joel and he nodded giving you the empty spot next to Ellie’s as he sat in front of you both.

“Look, Joel. A lot has happened this past few months or years and i’m really happy to see you but… I have to tell you something.” Ellie said straightforwardly gripping at your hand under the table. “Throw it at me, kiddo.” Joel said as he smiled and leaned back against the booth couch. “Me and Y/n are together.” you all went silent as you looked at Ellie and Joel. It went quiet as it seemed like they were both trying to win a staring contest. Not until the silence was broken by Joel’s laughter. “Kiddo, that’s nothing new to me! I thought you both were already together before I left the goddamn country.” Joel said as he snorted laughing too hard at Ellie’s face. You observed Ellie as she had her mouth agape and staring blankly at Joel. “Oh, fuck you.” Ellie spat as they both laughed. “I’m happy for y’all. Really.” Joel reassured as he looked at you. “I never knew you had it in ya.” You blushed in embarassment as you gripped at Ellie’s arm. She chuckled and kicked Joel’s foot. “Sorry, sorry.. I was just sayin’ “

“It must be hard for ya, since ya know.. your parents.” Joel spoke hesitantly as he tried to look for any expressions on your face that were a sign of discomfort. There weren’t any. “I moved out a couple of years ago and I haven’t contacted them since.” You smiled as you fiddled with your hands. “That must’ve felt horrible, i’m so sorry to have brought it up kiddo.” Joel smiled.

“I think you’re great for Ellie. Really.” Your eyes widened as you realized the contradiction of what you had just said earlier and snapped your gaze directly at Ellie’s. Ellie smirked and gave you a look telling you “I told you so”.

“I have seen none in this life that I saw better for Ellie.” You softly smiled as you looked at Joel, waiting for him to continue his sentence. “I know that I might have not made you feel like I liked you, especially when you were a kid. But I know that no one made Ellie happier than you. I know you’re a great person, y/n.”

“And I know that ya might not have felt like you’ve been accepted. But i’m always here to also stand as your father. Ya know that right? I’m not always showy. Even Ellie knows that.” Ellie chuckled as she nodded. “Just know that i’ve always treated you as my own, babygirl.” Joel nodded as he reached for your hand. Tightly gripping it. “Oh, come on now. Don’t be a sap.” Ellie interrupted as you all shared laughters again.

“I am genuinely happy though.” Joel nodded as he both looked at you and Ellie. “You both are perfect for eachother.”

After the meeting, you felt euphoric. You were so glad that Joel loved you. But then again, there were no reason for him not to. Your behavior when you were a child was nothing compared to now, he admired your growth as a person and you knew that you would influence Ellie greatly.

“I love you.” Ellie blurted out. You looked at her with a confused look.

“I love you too. What’s wrong?” You chuckled as you seemed taken aback by the sudden exchange of iloveyou’s.

“I don’t know. I just felt like I haven’t said that enough.” Ellie looked down at her feet, fiddling with her hands. You frowned as you took a step close to Ellie, pulling her in to your embrace. “I just feel like I have wasted all these years in my life being a coward instead of feeling your touch and love like how i’m doing right now.”

You sighed as you cupped Ellie’s cheeks. “It’s not only you to blame you know? I was dumb too.” You laughed as you felt Ellie’s body soften with your touch.

You were in that verge too. You wanted to blame yourself for not accepting yourself sooner but you were still glad that you did anyway. You were happy that even though in the most darkest times… Like the times that you would ignore her because you were jealous or because you just didn’t want to talk to her because you were having another one of your crisis. She was still there. And it was selfish, you knew that. But you were glad that she was still there for you to claim as yours.

You could’ve never found that love for Xavier. He was just one of your facades that you had to escape to find the true happiness within. It was Ellie. And it will always forever be Ellie.

In this society, Lesbians have been nothing but fetishized. Always stereotyped to the point that you were scared of the oppression you had to face.

And that’s the thing you have always been scared of, society. It always seemed like it was you vs. 7 billion people in this world. But the truth is? you’re not alone. And in fact, you’ll never be.

You wish you could’ve just been like Ellie, she came out as a free woman without giving a fuck. And she always had that fighting spirit within that you wish you could achieve. But you knew deep inside that she was also struggling as much as you.

If loving you wasn’t considered as a sin, I would’ve loved you to my full potential.

If loving you wasn’t a part of being condemned, I would’ve married you and took you to the aisle of my favorite church and prayed that we would be eternal.

If loving you wasn’t wrong, I would’ve realized that it was you all along. And I wouldn’t have to be with someone that I knew I didn’t want.

I’ve lived with two hearts, the other one was loving you and the other one was pretending that I didn’t.

[slytherinshua]

Marshmallow Love

𝐍𝐨𝐰 𝐥𝐨𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠. . .

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ genre and tags: fluff. friends to lovers. ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ warnings: kissing. ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ pairing: dino x reader. ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ wc: 756. ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ a/n: dino's been wrecking me so here's this fic lmao

You sat at the campfire, roasting your marshmallow reluctantly. You didn’t want to be here. You didn’t know why your friends had left, but they hadn’t let you come with them. They had left you out. It didn’t make sense, but you still did what they told you to, and stayed by the campfire.

The embers were slowly dying, and the little warmth they had brought you was starting to fade away. The wind from the ocean brought a chill to your body, and you cursed yourself for not bringing a warmer sweater. You wished you never agreed to come on this trip in the first place. If it wasn’t for Chan’s persuading, you wouldn’t have.

And speak of the devil- Chan ran out from the woods, seeing your figure crouched alone at the campfire. He gasped a breath. He wasn’t too late. Your friends, the same ones that had deserted you, had ran to find Chan and told him you were by yourself on the beach, but that he had to go quickly otherwise he might miss his chance.

Chan had run faster than he ever had in his life, desperate to get there before you left. And he had succeeded. He breathed, trying to recall the steps to Mingyu’s flirt class 101, but coming up with nothing.

He just decided to give it his best shot, and if he messed it up, at least he had taken the chance. He walked up to you, and you turned, smiling now that you weren't going to be alone anymore.

“Want a marshmallow? I have extra.” You muttered, passing him the bag of marshmallows and package of skewers. He stayed silent.

“Y/n-”

“Do you know where the others went? I think Dokyeom wanted to tell me something.” 

Chan shook his head, taking another breath, “Y/n.”

“Did you get to try the pizza balls? They were surprisingly good.” You continued, making Chan look around as if something would help him get your attention.

“Y/n?”

You hummed in response, “I think we’re going on a hike tomorrow. That’s going to be a nightmare… I wonder if I can escape without the others noticing.”

“Y/n.” Chan said desperately and your eyes widened.

“What? Was I ignoring you- I’m so sorry.” You whispered the last part, truly feeling bad for your rambling, but Chan just giggled.

“Can I talk now?” He asked, a smile on his face. You nodded.

“Do you know why the others deserted you?” You shook your head this time, ears listening closely to hear the answer.

“It was so I had a chance with you alone…” He mumbled and you blushed slightly, “Remember when I said there was something I wanted to do on this trip?” He looked up at you, his heart pounding in his chest so loudly he thought you might be able to hear it.

You nodded again, your voice getting caught up in your throat. You always felt a bit nervous around Chan which is why you tried to talk so much. It made your nervousness less obvious.

“Have you ever… thought… about… me?” He asked, wishing it had come out a bit smoother, but he was too nervous for that.

You nodded, finding your voice again. Clearing your throat, you whispered, “Yes. A lot actually.” It made you happy to admit for some reason. You had a hope that this was going where you wanted it to, but all you could do now is wait with baited breath for Chan to continue.

“I think… I think I might be in love with you.” 

You lost your breath again. It was like his confession had sucked all the air out of you, and all you could do was just stare at him in shock.

“A-are you going to say anything…?” He asked nervously, his eyes as wide as yours.

“What do you want me to say?” You murmured, just as nervous as he was.

“Anything. Do anything.” He breathed, practically wanting to disappear at this point.

“Can I do this then…?” Suddenly your nose was brushing against his, your eyes fluttering shut as you pressed a feather-light kiss to his lips. He blushed furiously, not even having time to close his eyes before the kiss was already over.

“Kiss me again.” He said quickly, his hand catching yours before you could move back to your spot. You obliged him, pressing your lips to his in a longer kiss this time, satisfying him much better than the first one.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ svt taglist: @kangtaehyunzzz,, @yeonjuns-bluehair,, @syrxiee2,, @ddenoudepression,, @hannahsophie0103

[arospec-culture-is]

HELLOhello hope you’re doing well :)

for the floor or maybe for you uhm how does one come out to their friends as aro?

Like it’s never been a particularly big thing in my life i dont have any reason to mention it unless it’s relevant and ive never had the urge to, all my friends know i dislike romance in books/shows but not that i’m aro and that’s always been fine and it still is but i really want to tell one of my friends but i’m not sure how to go about it? It would definitely be over text i still get nervous admitting it to myself sometimes but i do want to.

Do i just pull up one day with “hey best friend i love so much btw im aroace” i dont know if she even KNOWS what that is (one of our other friends mentioned the term aroace once and she asked what that was and other friend briefly went over it, i could have told her then but two other friends who im not particularly keen on telling were there. (I do like those friends but they joined our group later on and we arent at tgat level of closeness yet)

went off a bit sorry i guess i AM a bit nervous and i havent even planned anything yet

hi HAI!! im doing well and i hope you too :]] dont worry about rambling to me it's totally fine!! also it's okay to worry

i understand you anon, i also dont view my identity as something /that/ important to warrant a whole coming out speech.

there are two ways you can go about telling your friend, first it comes up in a conversation and you casually slip it. they may ask questions, but if youre worried about staying the focus of the conversation you can always turn it back to what you were saying before. this is what ive done when i came out as trans and aro to my friends and it made me less nervous tbh

the second way is upright telling them. like send them a message (ex 'oh btw im aroace', 'did i tell you im aroace?' etc). it's the most nerve wrecking one but easier to get over with. i did this the first time i came out to one of my friends and it went alright. you could write 'i wantwd to tell you im aroace for sometime. it's when you don't fell romantic or sexual attraction, if you didn't know what it means'. like just copy and paste and you're done

i dont know if this js what you hoped for or if it helped but i wish you good luck!!

[tangled-shoelace]

Barely coherent spawn ramblings about his relationships from the eyes of an aroace person

My brain is oatmeal and I suuuck at expressing things but I desperately want to talk about Spawn because he’s my all time favourite character any media has ever produced. These are things I’ve observed solely from the show and sparse lore reading because I have not read any comics yet lol. I’m getting the first 5 soon though so yay yippie!

Note: I only included the fact I’m aroace because I feel that seeing his relationships unfold through that kind of perspective has made it far more interesting for me to think about. I’m a lot more analytical of relationships like this, and I find myself appreciating them in a way that’s different than most people. I guarantee this will be me mostly gushing :3c

Spawn is such a fascinating guy when it comes to developing friendships. I am partly aware that this is bc of the whole female love interest thing, but I’ve been thinking about it a lot. The main message this show tries to get across is that Spawn is a creature who ruins the lives of those he wants to get close to, but he still tries nonetheless. It’s a deep, primal desire for closeness, even in his worst moments. It’s the most tragic part of him. He believes he needs to earn his humanity back, but in reality, his humanity was there the whole time. He just didn’t really know it, whether it be because he was being suffocated by nightmares or believing he was a monster for the things he was doing. Which is partially true. I’d love to touch more on his monstrous portrayal musically and visually sometime

The scene where Wanda saw him for the first time shattered my heart. Seriously. Her screams of fear were muffled, as he reached out to her and spoke her name. He couldn’t hear it. He didn’t want to hear it. Until finally we hear a loud, clear scream of sheer terror, followed by spawn crying out her name as she drives off. He finally realised she doesn’t recognise him, her husband, and that she’s horrified by him and his actions as a monster. He did whatever he possibly could to get close to her, even through very questionable actions, trying to escape the inexorable reality that he can’t be with her. Not with the way he is now. Any chance of a relationship with her is long gone, but he refuses to accept it.

He fears closeness, but he yearns for it you know? With his deteriorating mental state, it wouldn’t be hard to believe that he genuinely doesn’t know how to process his feelings to develop stable relationships. I sure wouldn’t if I was being haunted by intense nightmares and constant misery. He’s just drawn to anyone who shows him kindness, someone who can make him forget the pain. It’s a humanly desire. His sliver of humanity. A character like Jade is more than a love interest. To me, she wasn’t really one to begin with. It’s genuinely hard for me to describe. The kiss scene is one of my all time favourites. His nervous breathing and hesitation to let her hold him made me kind of teary eyed.

This isn’t me trying to woobify spawn I promise. There’s a difference in that and simply appreciating his more emotionally messy side. He’s genuinely a wreck and I enjoy it. So sorry if this is barely cohesive </3 I promise I’m not a total idiot I just have a hard time putting my thoughts into words. Spawn makes me emotional

[skeletalgalore]

ABLAZE - Chapter One: First Day

WIP: F!Reader is new to Hawkins High and is immediately drawn to the school's misfit. NO Y/N/OC USAGE!

part one | part two | part three

What's that? A playlist to go along with the fic? My, I do have a lot of time on my hands... Listen along here: link!

Originally posted on my Wattpad: link!

Chapter One: First Day

First day nerves, never the greatest feeling in the world. But here you were... Hawkins High. You wandered towards the reception of the school, tightly gripping onto your school bag. If the other students couldn't tell you were a nervous wreck before, then your white knuckles holding onto the rucksack was a flashing neon sign. The hustle and bustle of the high school cliques pushed past as if you didn't exist as you tentatively walked down the hall, trying to look for any signage for the office that you needed to head towards. You saw a gap between the goths and the nerds that looked like the safe haven you'd been searching for and made a run for it - well, more of a fast paced walk for it.

At the reception was a lovely young lady with a tight perm, wearing cat eye shaped glasses with a pink chain attached, typing away at her desk. You shuffled towards her slowly and awaited her to notice you. You didn't have to wait too long as she gave a welcoming smile just a couple of moments after approaching the desk.

"Hi there, I'm guessing you're new here to Hawkins High?" she smiled, instantly making you feel at ease with her friendly tone.

"Yeah, I've no idea where to go so thought I'd come straight here," you replied, shuffling about on the spot.

"Not to worry, sugar, we've got you covered," the receptionist got all the details she needed from you and assembled some paperwork together to help you navigate the school as easily as possible. "...and one lil' thing extra to help you on your way, we've assigned you a student who is taking the same classes as you who can help show you around for the next couple of weeks. And hey, they could end up being your new best friend!" You smiled at her enthusiasm. She nodded her head towards the door behind you. "Looks like they're here now," You turned around to face the person she was speaking about. A girl roughly your age came rushing in, hair cut into a bob, carrying a trumpet case and fumbling about with her school bag.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry I'm late! I slept in, then I had to rush my shower, and I couldn't find my sneakers, then I had to get Steve to turn around more or less 2 minutes away from school 'cause I left my freakin' trumpet at home--" you and the receptionist stared at her while this girl rambled on at a thousand miles an hour, blinking in disbelief.

"ROBIN," the receptionist firmly butted in. "It's fine. You're here now. This is the new student you've been assigned," and she nodded her head towards you. You gave a small wave at Robin, still a bit shocked at the speed of the ramble. You introduced yourself to her and she seemed more than happy to see you shared all the same classes. The school bell rang and you both waved the receptionist goodbye. You had to practically run trying to keep up with Robin as she wanted to make sure you weren't late for your first lesson at Hawkins.

A few hours went by and it was time for lunch. Chaos in the corridors yet again. You and Robin got off to a great start, and you couldn't help but think that the receptionist was right in saying that they could be your new best friend. After grabbing some food from the cafeteria, you both sat down at a table that was filled with Robin's friends from band. She was idly staring at one of the girls further down the table. She looked like she was in band too, but it seemed like Robin was a bit hesitant to speak to her. You didn't bring it up, wasn't your business really. You began to eat your lunch and gaze at all the different cliques you could see in the hall. The Jocks, the Goths, the Math Nerds, and then your eyes fell upon the Freaks as you overheard someone call them. They didn't really look like they belonged together, but you could tell they were in some sort of group as they all wore matching t-shirts. From a distance, all that you could make out on the shirts were that they all had a red demonic face in the centre. The ages of the group all differed and eldest sat at the head of the table, and you presumed he was the leader. You were fixated on him. His hair was long and dark, curls balanced perfectly on his shoulders, denim cut-off/leather jacket combo helping solidify the metalhead persona. You couldn't help but stare at him as there just seemed to be something so alluring about him. He must've felt your eyes on him as he locked eyes with you suddenly. The shock of it made you blush bright, and you didn't know where to look, so you snapped your head back around to Robin. Luckily, she was still fixated on the girl near the end of the table so she didn't see you blushing straight away. "Hey, Robin?"

"Mmm?" she turned towards you absentmindedly. "'Sup?"

"Who, erm," you cleared your throat. "Who are those guys sat over there?" You nodded your head towards the guy and his friends you'd been ogling for the past 5 minutes.

"Oh, that's Hellfire. Or The Freaks as the Jocks like to call them," Robin replied with a hint of disdain on the word 'Jocks'. "Hellfire is just a Dungeons and Dragons group, nothing freaky about it at all, really. I'm friends with a couple of the guys in the group actually,"

You gulped. 'She knows them, oh god, she knows them... That guy is gonna spill that I was staring at him to Robin, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fu--' your thought was interrupted by 'that guy' poking fun at the Jocks. You couldn't help but watch his every move. He was mesmerising. At the end of his speech, he looked over at you briefly and winked. Instant butterflies in the stomach. 'How the hell have I been here for 3 hours and already developed a stupid crush? Get a grip of yourself...' your inner monologue chastised. The bell rang for the end of lunch and you breathed a sigh of relief. Just another couple of hours to distract yourself and get to know Robin a bit more, then you can go home and try not to think of this Hellfire Guy.

The final bell of the day rang and you began to collect your things up.

"Hey, I have band practice now so I won't be able to walk out of school with you. But you're more than welcome to come sit in the hall and watch if you like?" Robin leaned over grabbing her trumpet case and shook it gleefully.

"I think I'm just gonna go straight home to be honest, but thank you. I should be able to survive walking out the front door," you smiled at her.

"Okay, cool, no probs," Robin smiled back at you. "I get picked up and dropped off home by my friend, Steve, like everyday. I can see if he can swing by and pick you up with me tomorrow morning if you'd like? Won't have to worry about riding the shitty school bus."

"Yeah sure, sounds good," you replied. You scribbled down your address and phone number on a bit of loose paper, and handed it to her. Robin placed it in her top pocket and said she'd speak to you later. You swung your rucksack onto your back and gave a small wave goodbye to Robin as you both walked out of the classroom in opposite directions.

You grabbed your Walkman from the side pocket of your rucksack and put on your headphones, the latest mixtape you made blocking out the noises of the outside world. There was a nice breeze blowing through the trees of Hawkins, helping create the best visuals for the fake music video in your head. You came close to the trailer park when a massive gust of wind blew your hair in front of your eyes and blocking your view of the path.

"Oof, hey, watch it--" a voice blurted out, and you bumped into the being which spoke, knocking your headphones off to hang around your neck. You managed to get your hair out of your vision and saw who you'd walked into, and blushed. "--oh, it's you. The girl who stares..." His face was stern. So much for trying to get the Hellfire guy out of your mind...

"I'm-- I'm so sorry," this is where you became the one who rambled, with your face slowly getting more and more red. "I should've tied my hair back when I left school, I knew how fucking windy out it was too, and oh god I didn't mean to stare at you earlier in the cafeteria, I'm new and just a bit awkward--" His smile began to grow as you kept digging yourself a bigger hole, trying not to laugh.

"Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey... Don't worry about it," you looked up at the guy sheepishly. "We were all new kids at one point," He flashed you a quick wink like he did at lunch.

'Oh damn, he's charming too. Great. I'm fucked,' you thought. You had gained crushes on people quickly before but surely this was a new world record. "...sorry," you managed to squeak.

"No need for apologies, young lady, I was just kidding with you earlier. I don't mind you staring," a small smile appeared at the corner of his mouth. "I'd just maybe introduce yourself next time. I like to know the name of someone who can't keep their eyes off me," he brushed past you as he headed up towards the trailer park. "See ya later, sweetheart."

You stood there in disbelief. Did he really like that you were staring at him this lunch? Did... Did he just flirt with you too? Maybe Freak was a fitting name for the guy after all. You tried to brush it off, put your headphones back on, and carried on walking home.

What a day.

[kithtaehyung]

my tumblr keeps crashing on me while I’m writing… 🫠

but I just wanted to say the teaser was CHEFS KISS and I’m so excited! I felt a little emotional because it felt nostalgic in a way? being excited yet scared for the main chapters but overall enjoying it! and this one is definitely gonna tear my heart out, but that’s what makes it enjoyable and fun! so excited!! and as always your writing is STELLAR. still my favorite.

I also want to apologize for the lack of responses lately! 🥹 I been busy preparing and been a nervous wreck for my first ever concert and for it to be my ult bias of 7 years .. AH !! can’t wait to see yoongi after all the jaw dropping clips and pictures I’ve been seeing! so 3tan coded..

I promise I’ll be back on track as soon as my concert is over! I miss writing lengthy responses and ramble about my thoughts and I’m happy you like them too 🥹🤍🤍

p.s do you have any tips for LA merchlines..? specifically for nonvip and what time to show up? I’m such a newbie to this so any information is useful!! 🥹💔 PLUS AHSHDH I WOULD’VE STOLE ALL UR FREEBIES THEY’RE SO COOL I WISH I COULD MEET YOU 😭💔

- 🍷

WINEEEE hello and i’m sorry tumblr is being mean as hell😩 it does that to me when i try to post answers to asks sometimes. like i would type a whole ass response only for it to not even save as a draft😀👍 idk why it does that but it makes my eye twitch LOL

Wait.. that made me so 🥺 when you said nostalgic?? That just shows how long it’s been since we went through this whole thing with the last main part of the series. But honestly you’re so right bc i feel the same way🫂 It’s very nice to be able to do this again with all of you, and this drop day is gonna be EPIC AFFFF (I hope😂)

WAIT THATS RIGHT you’re gonna go to the tour holy shit! I’m so excited for you pls pls tell me how your experience goes and pls never stop rambling and telling me your thoughts🥺💕 AND IM GOING TO LAAAAA but only the last show🤪 when are you going?? lining up is gonna be hell lol people are literally lining up at midnight before the show now. so idk if you wanna do that but get in line as early as you can!

[nightshadedawn]

Am I the asshole?

Well, I was going to post to r/AmITheAsshole, but apparently I ramble too much and couldn't get my thing down to only 3,000 characters. It's over 3,000 words. So now I'll post it for you all to enjoy, I guess? All names are fake, of course.

December 25th Kate (22f): “Sooo my anxiety is acting up and I'm worried you're mad at me. Um, are you? Me (22nb): “I will be honest. I have been mad and frustrated. I opened my availability to the closing shift because you said you'd be able to take me to and from work. It has been over a month since you even suggested doing so. I know things have been difficult for you from surgery and the cold hurting your body, but it hasn't been any easier on my parents who have had to be the ones to get me. Especially my mom after her wreck. She didn't have a car for the few days after, but within the week she had to get back to driving me despite how nervous it made her because the other drivers in the house had work responsibilities. I asked you and it was a basically "let me see." Both my parents are old and broken af. The late nights staying up to get me when I can't get a manager to give me a ride isn't doing either of them any favors. I've tried being patient because I know of your own things, but I have grown frustrated.” Kate: “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be an inconvenience and need to take care of a mom who's sick, have to have an emergency surgery, deal with not being able to eat, having the cold hurting my body and not know why. I thought I could, I didn't count on my health going to shit, I didn't count on my migraines being worse. I genuinely thought I could and I'm sorry your parents have to pick up the slack, I really am. Tell your family merry Christmas for me. I'm staying home.”

---

December 26th Kate: “Can we please set up a day we can get together and talk? I am sorry for how I reacted, I should have waited until I wasn't upset to respond.”

---

December 27th Me: “Got a lot going on right now, don't know when there's going to be time.” Kate: Alright, well let me know when you're ready to have a conversation.

---

January 3rd, 8AM Kate: “I want to understand what's going on and listen to what you need from me. This is really bothering me because I care about you and our friendship, so can we set up a time to talk this upcoming week? I would really appreciate it.”

---

January 4th, 10AM Kate: “You have today to set up a time to talk, otherwise I’m blocking you. You’ve had a week to SET SOMETHING UP, not even to talk, just set up a time to talk.”

---

Those are the exact copied messages of the last conversations sent between me and Kate. And, um, sorry about the length. It’s habit from being a writer. And with there being so much backstory that’s important for the main point, I struggled with skimming it down. But I did. A lot. Having said that, let’s provide some context so it can be understood where it’s coming from.

I’ve known Kate since we were in elementary school. Eight years old. Ever since I was young, I’ve been adverse to conflicts. Hearing family yelling in the next room is enough to bring me to tears, let alone getting into a screaming match myself sending me into an anxiety attack. Those, however, are rare. Because I struggle with talking at all, sometimes going entirely nonverbal because of how badly it gives me anxiety, even with my own family. My not talking and conflict avoidance has… made me more or less a doormat in different situations, or the person people want to vent to because I won’t go to the person being talked about to discuss what went on behind their back. Complacency is my flaw for… a lot. Which is probably a factor in what caused everything to snowball as much as it has.

It was something Kate had been the opposite to. She was the extrovert to my introvert, the friendly to my shy, the outspoken to my reserved. For as long as I’ve known her, Kate has been brash, wild, and weirdly able to integrate into any friend group she wants. We were similar in a lot of ways, mostly by our love of fantasy books, writing, and singing. Later, we were some of the only people we knew who understood what it was like to have such powerful migraines as we did or dealing with the severity of anxiety and depression.

In high school, we started writing a book together. It started off as a roleplay that was helping us understand our own trauma and mental health that we later decided to turn into a book. A supernatural murder mystery taking place in Victorian London, told through news articles and journal entries. We’d each made characters to tell the story through. The two she mostly wrote through was the murder victim (based off Kate) who remained as a ghost, and the victim’s Roma lover. My characters were a detective who didn’t believe in the supernatural and a young woman who could see the supernatural and was literally haunted by the ghosts of her past (who was based off me). Back when we were first rewriting it to be a more cohesive book, I felt like she was trying to take too much control of the story. Making the detective useless by having her characters doing more successful investigating, taking things important to my self-insert character and claiming they “were just as important to [Kate’s] characters.” This included a song I wrote very specifically for that character that was an allusion to her ghosts. Wasn’t a catch phrase, but close enough.

This was one of our first major fights. The only other notable one was back in middle school. But I struggled with talking to Kate about the book. She kept dominating the conversations, claiming we’d discussed things and I’d agreed to them when we hadn’t. (A theme that would continue all these years later) I thought that if I couldn’t say what I wanted to say, I could write it. Surely she’d appreciate the work I put into that, putting it all out into words, no rambling, straight to the point. She was also a writer, so she would understand.

So I wrote it all down. I gave it to her mother to in turn give to her, since Kate was not present when I went to drop it off. Her mom appreciated the letter. Thought that was the right choice. Mine did as well. Kate showed up at my house hours later and threw the letter at me, telling me that if I ever did anything like this again instead of just talking to her, she would rip it up without reading it and then smack me. Retrospectively, we never actually worked through the issues we had then. I just gave up, told myself it was fine.

I had roughly been out of work for a year when I got the job I have now. I struggled with finding work because I have a limiting schedule and I can’t drive. (In order of importance: Dad’s schedule, older brother’s, sister’s, Mom’s, mine) It’s something I’ve been working towards slowly, but it’s one of the many things that makes me uneasy. But back in June, my sister Brianne (25) got me a puppy to help with my anxiety and depression. And I’d always swore I would be a good pet parent, so I doubled down on finding a job so I could take care of my puppy. Vaccinations, training, food, everything. Kate offered then to be my ride so I could open my schedule and work nights, seeing as we both didn’t sleep well at night. The only thing she asked was that I pay her gas money. This was agreeable, since of course she’d be using gas to get me to and from work. First job I applied to with nights open I got the job and I’ve held it ever since.

Everything was fine with the job, going well, until early November. Kate had to go into emergency surgery. Something to do with her gallbladder, I think? I was told over the phone so I don’t have messages to go back through to double check that. Understandable that I would need to get a different ride until she’d healed. But even when denying me rides as she’d promised, she started going to this BDSM club (like, chess club, not bar club) frequently with her boyfriend. Telling me about the days she spent out with her boyfriend and his friends, or complaining about having to go grocery shopping for her mom. On my days off, she’d want to go out and do things with me, but when I needed her help to get to work, she either had a migraine, or she was sick, or she was hurting too bad, or she was on new meds that were making her sick, or she had prior obligations.

I was frustrated, but… cold weather was coming. I pushed the frustration aside. Her meds were off frequently because the pharmacy didn’t always have her specific ones in stock. I knew how her migraines could get. I knew how the cold could make her feel. But then my mom got in a wreck going home from taking me to work a week before Thanksgiving. She was okay, but the car was totaled. I asked Kate, despite the things she had troubling her, if she could give me a ride since my mom no longer had a car. Kate’s “we’ll see” response amounted to nothing. I asked, again, even after my mom got a new car three days later, because she was anxious to drive in the dark, along the same route that she’d just gotten into a wreck on. Again, a refusal from Kate. She turned up to Thanksgiving with her boyfriend and a cane, perfectly fine. She didn’t use the cane, just carried it. She also left quickly. Brianne described it as “She was going ‘poor me, poor me’ wanting attention and got pissy when no one gave it to her.”

The trend continued into December. By then, I’d pretty much given up on Kate giving me a ride and was relying on my parents and brother, the only ones in our household who can drive, to get me to work, and the generosity of my absolutely amazing managers to get me home. But the frustration from how Kate had treated Mom’s accident lingered. But! But I knew better than to let it fester. I’d learned my lesson after the book incident.

I didn’t think being honest was going to turn into a problem, because our friendship was supposedly based on honesty, after the fight regarding the book. We needed to be honest about what we were feeling instead of letting things like that fester, to avoid another fight. Which, I thought, was working. We hadn’t had a fight, about the book or otherwise, since that one. So her reaction literally shocked me into stunned silence.

Kate’s been coming to my family’s Christmas since our last year of high school. Everyone had been expecting her. Food had been prepared with her needs in mind, Brianne had prepared the most thoughtful gifts, Kate was counted when we were planning on how many chairs we’d need and how many gifts for the White Elephant. It was a blow that sent me into shock the entirety of Christmas. I tried keeping to the edges of everything so I wasn’t ruining anyone’s Christmas with my bad mood, but I’m not sure how well it worked.

Brianne eventually came up to me to figure out what was going on, find out where Kate was. I showed her the messages, asking if I said something wrong. “That’s gaslighting,” was what she told me amounted to.

By the time Kate messaged me on the 26th, I’d had time to ruminate on her response. How it felt so similar to other areas in our lives. Brushing off what I’m saying, making it seem like I was the problem. It brought up the memories of everything that had irked me in the last year or so. Me: “Do you want to hear about this cool thing I’ve been writing and am really excited about?” Kate: “Not right now, my head hurts. I’m feeling sick. I won’t be able to focus or pay attention, I’m going into little space. I’m hangry.” But she had no problem talking about her books. Other times, while we’re just talking, not even about anything in particular, she’d just get on her phone, or get up and move, or start doing things she had to shout “I can’t hear you!” over while I was trying to talk.

For a specific example, Kate had me over for dinner, and didn’t tell me that her boyfriend and several of his friends would be there, so I had no time to prepare myself to be in a largish crowd. After her boyfriend and his friends left, she asked if I could stay and if we can just sit in silence, but then Kate started talking about things she’s doing on her phone, and got snappy when I tried to. For a while, she wanted me to move in with her, but had insisted for years wherever she moved it would be HER place, her furniture, her utensils, everything would belong to her. She brushed off me trying to tell her no, brushed off when I said I wouldn’t be able to pay the bills she was asking me to because I only work part-time, and winter hours are abysmal so my paychecks are slim. Either brushed off, or she’d get angry because I got two paychecks a month and she only got one from disability, nevermind the fact that her one check amounted to more than an entire month for me.

I was angry at her, but I was sure I was blowing it out of proportion. I didn’t even open the message that day, trying to give it just that one day to calm my emotions. Push them down again. I talked to Brianne again. Going over… everything. Brianne just sort of nodded along, at the end telling me “I know.” “Am I the last to know?” I asked. “Yeah,” she told me. I’d raved about Kate for years, about how dear she was to me, how great of a friend she was. Multiple people across both our families thought we were dating on the downlow for years. But I talked to multiple people at home that day, and they all shared a similar consensus, that Kate did not share my attention well. If she was there, it was difficult to get into a conversation with me, but at the same time, it was hard for me to participate in conversation with Kate.

I knew I couldn’t ignore Kate forever. On the 27th, I opened her message, hoping for a genuine apology. But she wanted to meet up. And I couldn’t get rid of that sick, icky feeling in my stomach and the knots my thoughts were tangled up in. I didn’t want to tell her, I didn’t want her to know. The last time I’d been honest about my thoughts and feelings, look at how she reacted. What if I lost her entirely? What would the in person reaction be?

I did as I do best and tried to avoid the situation until I could put things in order. But it got worse. Kate’s actions on Christmas, things mentioned by family, everything led to further things that had troubled me that I’d buried. How Kate acted when it came to D&D, trying to take control of the campaign when I was the DM, trying to make herself the main character during my genderfluid nibling’s arc. How she made me feel stupid, never able to have clever or intelligent villains, because she’d always point out the flaws in them, she’d talk in circles or bullshit things to make herself appear smart, in a way that if I disagreed with her I’d look stupid. How angry Kate always got whenever she was told she was wrong, especially when it came to how she treated her mother. How when it came to other roleplays she’d done with me, where she’d call herself a background character but act like the main character, and still treat me like I was a background character. How she refused to use my preferred pronouns, when the only place I asked her not to was at home because I wasn’t out yet. How she claimed she was nonbinary too, but only when she disassociated, and that I’d told her that. How blatantly she put words into my mouth that I’d never said.

I couldn’t say anything to her. I was just a spaghetti mess of frustration, anger, and betrayal. Because she’d never listen. Because she’d turn it all around on me. Because her reaction was inconceivable. In order to put my thoughts in order and process them, I made an itemized list. Writing is what helps when I can’t talk, or in this case think, clearly. It started out as a list, but turned into a fully-fledged letter to Kate. I ended up with a six-page word document. It wasn’t full of generalized things, but very specific instances told in all the detail I remembered them in. I told myself “I’ll talk to her. After I finish this, I’ll talk to her.”

That was finished by January 2nd. But despite that, I now had a new problem. What to do with the document now that I had written it. If I sent it to her, she wouldn’t read it. She’d just get mad. Trying to talk about the issues on it with her, she’d either disengage, get angry, or talk over me.

Eventually I decided to record it. I would record me reading my thoughts and send that to Kate, because I was, technically, talking. And since it was meant for and sent to her, I was talking to her. Brianne read over it, and suggested condensing it so I wasn’t piling everything on at once. “Dealing with narcissists like this, you have to tread carefully. If you want to rebuild the relationship, it’ll take time because you have to go slow,” Brianne told me. “If you pile it all on at once, because it would only make Kate shut everything out and not listen. She’ll see it as an accusation, not an explanation.”

I had already made the choice that after sending the recording, I would block Kate on the two main places we messaged, so I could avoid some of the initial anger she would feel and she could actually think about what was said. But it was only going to be for a couple of days. I didn’t think I’d be able to hold out very long. We’d rarely gone longer than a week without texting, calling, seeing each other. She was my best friend, my only friend for the longest time.

Apparently, I was… taking too long. I do feel like maybe it was dragged out longer than possibly necessary, but at the same time I was scared and didn’t know what I was supposed to do. Kate has been a big part of my life for most of it, and I didn’t want to lose her. If I lost her, I wouldn’t HAVE anyone else.

January 3rd, Kate sent her message. Then she showed up, unannounced, uninvited, while I was sleeping. After a super long closing shift, I didn’t get home until after 4AM. She tried waking me up, but I only got to the half-conscious state, so entirely unresponsive and only partially able to comprehend what’s going on around me. I don’t remember what was said, only that she left crying. I didn’t message her. Either in response to the message or to her presence in my bedroom. I knew I needed to send her the recording. It was the only response I had at that point. First, I needed to record it. So I did so that night. I wanted to have Brianne listen to it first, before I sent it, to ensure it still flowed well after I condensed it, and that my emotions weren’t getting the better of me, and that it didn’t feel like I was trying to guilt trip Kate. But I worked again that night, so I recorded it after work. I’d have to talk to Brianne after she got off work the next day.

January 4th was Kate’s last message. By the time I’d gotten up and read her message, sometime around noon, I was already blocked. I realized it when I tried sending her the recording. I was angry. So, I blocked her too.

A month later, and we haven’t spoken still. I recently realized there’s several places we can still communicate through, aside from what we usually messaged each other on. But nothing from her. It wasn’t like there was anything from me either, though. And tonight, I realized all the documents on Google Docs we’d been using for our book were under her ownership. And she revoked my access, so I can’t even get to them. Her mom, not even Kate herself, returned the key she’d had to this house the other day as well.

I think bridges are well and truly burned now. But now I just… can’t help but wonder if I was the one in the wrong here? I don’t think I handled it as well as I could have. But am I the only asshole here?